+++ BUMPER NEWS SPECIAL +++ MILITIA MELTDOWN +++ BUMPER NEWS SPECIAL +++ BRAVE REDS RESCUE SW +++

+++ BUMPER NEWS SPECIAL +++ MILITIA MELTDOWN +++ BUMPER NEWS SPECIAL +++ BRAVE REDS RESCUE SW +++

SCARLET NEWS IN BRIEF

City Pirate Obsession Peaks with New Restaurant

 

Enterprising pirate and former terror of the seas Captain Maleast wowed Stormwind last night with the opening a piratical restaurant in the Park District which critics are already labelling ’Tacky but delicious’ - any diners should liase with the Captain for special deals on his patented ’Rape and pillage burgers’  

 

Embarrassment for Lady-Elf in Holy Squid No-Show!

 

Knights of Genosomething Lady-Elf Beoric was last night left looking like a right old fool when his promised visitation from a holy squid failed to materialise. Said the svelt lady-elf ‘It’s not like the holy giant squid to stand me up, I’m sure he’ll call on me in the morning’

 

Argent Dawn in Entriia Mix-Up!

 

The Argent Dawn faced renewed embarrassment last night following an unprovoked attack on scarlet-hating sleaze hag Entriia which saw the gobby elf set upon by misguided scourge-slayers. In a statement issued today the Argent Dawn said ‘We apologise in full to Entriia, but she has to realise that before she shovels on her 7 Kilos of make-up her haggard old visage really does make her look some mad rotting horror.

 

MAUD DOE GONE! - AZEROTH    JOURNAL IN CRISIS!

BIG LIE TROUBLE FOR  

‘HOUSE OF LORDS’ HONORIA

UTHER PARTY WOWS CITY!

SCARLET LIZ LEADS LARGEST

PILGRIMAGE EVER!

City Favorite Brother Habeus was treated to three cheers from adoring Stormwind fans yesterday to mark the climax of the canny Crusader’s popular Uther celebrations. Stormwind sources confirmed the Highly-rated High Emissary faced a spontaneous outporing of wholesome scarlet-love on the steps of the cathedral yesterday where celebrants gathered to set of a load of fireworks in honour of plucky paladin Uther.

UNDEAD PORN MAG NEW LOW

EVEN FOR HORDE SAYS CITY

TAUREN GROUP-GAMBLING CRAZE SWEEPS KALIMDOR!

SISTER LERIAH AND BROTHER

VOLANS PROMOTED!

REDS TO THE RESCUE! - CRUSADE COMBATS CITY CHAOS! - JOY IN STREETS AS MILITIA FALLS!

The erupting City chaos in the wake of the fall of the militia was quelled last night following the deployment of crack-scarlet patrols to safeguard the people of Stormwind. In what will be looked back on as a month to remember Scarlet News has all the stories leading upto the fall of the hated people’s militia and the heroism of the mighty reds in their place! - Read all about it!